Child Arrangements

Can Grandparents Get Legal Rights to See Their Grandchildren in England and Wales? Being prevented from seeing a grandchild can be one of the most painful experiences a grandparent faces. When family relationships break down following separation, divorce or a dispute between parents, grandparents can find themselves cut off from children with whom they have shared a close and meaningful relationship. For many grandparents, the situation is particularly distressing because they feel caught in the middle of disagreements between adults. They may worry about losing their bond with their grandchildren and wonder whether they have any legal options. Grandparents who are prevented from seeing their grandchildren may have options under family law in England and Wales. However, grandparents do not automatically have a legal right to contact simply because they are related to a child or have played an important role in their upbringing. These situations require a sensitive approach that considers the circumstances of each family and keeps the child’s welfare at the centre of any decisions. Do Grandparents Have an Automatic Right to See Their Grandchildren? Under the law in England and Wales, grandparents do not have an automatic legal right to see their grandchildren. Being a grandparent does not, by itself, give someone parental responsibility or an entitlement to contact. This can be difficult to accept, particularly when a grandparent has been closely involved in a child’s life for many years. They may have provided childcare, attended school events, supported the family during difficult periods or developed a strong emotional bond with their grandchild. However, the existence of a close relationship does not automatically guarantee continued contact if a parent objects. The law does provide possible routes for grandparents who wish to maintain or restore contact. The appropriate approach depends on the existing relationship, the reasons contact has stopped and the child’s welfare. Understanding the distinction between wanting contact and having a legal entitlement to it can help grandparents approach the situation with realistic expectations. What Does the Law Say About Grandparents’ Rights in England and Wales? The Children Act 1989 provides the central legal framework for many child arrangements disputes in England and Wales. When the court determines a question about a child’s upbringing, the child’s welfare is its paramount consideration. The court does not simply decide in favour of the adult who feels most hurt or believes they have been treated unfairly. For grandparents, this means that the court will not automatically order contact because a grandparent wants to maintain a relationship. Equally, a parent’s objection does not necessarily mean that contact will never be possible. The court may consider the child’s existing relationship with the grandparent, the benefits of maintaining that relationship, the reasons for the disagreement and any relevant safeguarding concerns. For example, a grandparent who has regularly cared for a child since birth may have an established relationship that is relevant to the court’s assessment. The court must still consider the wider circumstances and whether the proposed arrangements would benefit the child. Can Grandparents Apply to Court for Contact With Their Grandchildren? Grandparents may be able to apply to the family court for a child arrangements order seeking contact with their grandchildren. A child arrangements order can specify with whom a child lives and when they spend time with, or otherwise have contact with, another person. However, grandparents are not automatically entitled to apply in every case. They will generally need the court’s permission, often called leave, before their application for a child arrangements order can proceed. There are exceptions to the permission requirement. A grandparent’s existing legal position, previous care of the child or relevant consents may affect whether permission is necessary. Individual advice is important. When considering permission, the court looks at matters including the nature of the proposed application, the applicant’s connection with the child and the risk of the application disrupting the child’s life to an extent that would cause harm. Permission to apply and the final decision about contact are separate matters. Obtaining permission does not guarantee that the court will make the order requested. What Should Grandparents Do First if They Are Denied Contact? When contact suddenly stops, it is understandable to feel hurt, angry or desperate to resolve the situation. However, the first steps taken can influence whether communication remains possible or the disagreement becomes more entrenched. Try to Understand Why Contact Has Stopped Where it is safe and appropriate, try to understand the parent’s concerns before deciding how to proceed. The dispute may be connected to a wider family breakdown, disagreements about parenting, tensions following a separation or conflict between the grandparent and one of the parents. A respectful conversation may help clarify those concerns and identify whether a practical arrangement can be reached. The aim should be to find something that supports the child’s wellbeing. Direct communication will not always be appropriate. Where there are concerns about domestic abuse, intimidation or safety, seek advice rather than feeling obliged to approach the parent directly. Keep a Record of the Existing Relationship Keep a clear, factual record of the relationship with the child and any relevant communications about contact. This might include previous arrangements, dates of visits, involvement in the child’s care and messages explaining why contact has stopped. These records can help a legal adviser understand the history and identify information that may be relevant if court proceedings become necessary. Respect the child’s privacy. They should not be asked to collect evidence or take sides in an adult dispute. Avoid Escalating the Conflict Hostile messages, confrontations, threats of court action made in anger or criticism of a parent in front of the child can make reconciliation more difficult. A grandparent may understandably feel that the situation is unfair. Nevertheless, allowing frustration to dominate communication can make it harder to rebuild trust. Children should never be used as messengers or made to feel responsible for resolving family disagreements. Can Family Mediation Help Grandparents See Their Grandchildren? Family mediation can provide a way for grandparents

Can I Change My Child’s Surname After Divorce? It may be possible to change your child’s surname after divorce, but you should not assume that you can make that decision alone. The starting point is to establish who has parental responsibility, whether there are any existing court orders and whose agreement is required. In my experience, the misunderstanding usually begins with a perfectly understandable thought: “My child lives with me, so surely I can choose the surname they use.” However, where another parent also has parental responsibility, their position cannot simply be disregarded. For a younger child, changing the surname generally requires agreement from everyone with parental responsibility or permission from the court. Different provisions apply to young people aged 16 or 17. Beyond the legal requirements, I would want to understand why the change is being proposed and what it would mean for the child. A surname can represent identity, family history and belonging. It deserves more consideration than simply completing a form. Does Divorce Give Me the Right to Change My Child’s Name? Divorce does not, by itself, remove the other parent’s parental responsibility. Agreeing to a change of a child’s name is one of the important decisions covered by that responsibility. I would therefore advise a parent to check the position before asking a school to change its records or arranging a deed poll. The fact that you manage most of the school administration, medical appointments and everyday care may explain why sharing a surname feels important. Those practical responsibilities deserve recognition, but they do not automatically give you sole authority over the child’s name. My first questions would be about the child’s age, who has parental responsibility and what orders are already in place. Without that information, it is too easy to act on an assumption that later creates a dispute. Why These Disagreements Can Feel So Personal A realistic example is a separated couple whose young child lives mainly with the mother. She wants the child to use her surname because she believes it would make everyday life easier and help the child feel part of her household. The father objects because the existing surname represents the child’s connection with him and his wider family. He sees the proposed change as losing something important in his relationship with the child. This is an illustrative example, but it captures the difficulty well. Both parents may have understandable concerns. Neither necessarily sees the issue as mere paperwork. What I would want to do is move the discussion away from which parent feels more entitled to choose the name. The more useful question is what the change would mean for the child. Would it resolve a genuine difficulty? Would it strengthen their sense of belonging, or leave them feeling that one part of their family had been pushed aside? Those questions deserve careful attention. What I Would Look at Before Advising You I would not advise on a surname change without understanding the child’s circumstances. Their age matters, as does the name they have always used. I would want to know about their relationship with both parents, their brothers and sisters, and the wider family connections associated with their surname. I would also ask what has prompted the request now. Has a practical problem arisen? Have the child’s circumstances changed? Or has the issue become caught up in the hurt surrounding the separation? There is no benefit in dismissing a parent’s feelings. However, those feelings need to be distinguished from the benefit the proposed change would bring to the child. Is There a Genuine Practical Difficulty? If a parent tells me that different surnames are causing problems, I would ask them to explain what has actually happened. Has the child experienced repeated confusion? Have they expressed discomfort? Is there a particular administrative difficulty that cannot be addressed another way? Being specific helps. “It would be easier for me” may explain a parent’s preference, but it does not necessarily establish that changing the name is the best outcome for the child. How Does the Child Feel About Their Name? A child may have a strong attachment to their existing surname. It may connect them to grandparents, siblings or other relatives, as well as to a parent. Another child may feel differently and have clear reasons for wanting a change. I would want to understand their views without assuming either outcome. The important point is that the child must not be asked to choose between their parents. There is a considerable difference between listening to their feelings and making them responsible for resolving an adult disagreement. Are There Welfare or Safety Concerns? Where there are concerns about abuse, harm or safety, I would want those addressed directly through appropriate advice. Encouraging cooperation is useful where it is safe. It should never mean expecting a parent to enter discussions that place them or their child at risk. For me, protecting the child’s relationships matters wherever it is safe and appropriate, but their welfare remains the priority. Related guidance on parenting after separation: Read Child Custody Arrangements: What Does Family Law Allow in England and Wales? Can a Deed Poll Resolve the Problem? A deed poll can provide evidence of a name change. It does not resolve a disagreement about whether the change should happen. I would be concerned if a parent believed that buying a deed poll would allow them to bypass another person’s parental responsibility. Before arranging any document, the consent position needs to be clear. There are enrolled and unenrolled deed poll routes. Enrolment places the change on public record, so it should not be treated as an automatic requirement or chosen without understanding its implications. My advice would be to establish the legal position first, then choose the appropriate documentation. Starting with the paperwork can give a false sense that the underlying issue has already been settled. Can I Ask the School to Use a Different Surname? I would advise caution about introducing a new surname at

Child Custody Arrangements: What Does Family Law Allow in England and Wales? When parents separate, they often ask who will get “custody” or whether they are entitled to equal time with their child. In England and Wales, the usual legal term is child arrangements. These arrangements address where a child lives and when they spend time with each parent. If a court has to decide, the child’s welfare is its paramount consideration. There is no automatic rule that a child’s time must be split 50/50. In my experience helping parents think through the practical side of separation, the most useful question is often not “How many nights should I get?” but “What will this arrangement be like for the child on an ordinary school day?” What Arrangements Can Parents Make? Parents can agree on a routine for where their child lives and when they spend time with each parent. That might include school nights, weekends, holidays and ways to keep in touch when they are apart. If parents cannot agree, they can seek help to resolve the disagreement or apply for a child arrangements order. A court can also consider other types of orders where the dispute concerns a specific decision about the child. The details matter. An agreement that says “alternate weekends” still leaves questions about collection times, transport, school events and what happens when a child is ill. I encourage parents to write down a proposed routine and walk through a normal week before deciding it works. Does Parental Responsibility Mean Equal Time? Parental responsibility concerns the legal rights and duties involved in a child’s upbringing, including matters such as education and medical treatment. It does not, by itself, set a number of overnight stays. Questions about who has parental responsibility and how particular decisions should be made depend on the family’s circumstances. When a parent asks me what they are “entitled to,” I do not dismiss the concern. They may be frightened of losing contact or being left out of important decisions. I listen to that first. Then I help them separate questions about decision-making from questions about the child’s daily routine, so they can raise the right issues with a family-law professional. Why Should You Put the School Week on Paper? I helped a parent who was struggling to agree where their child would stay. At first, the proposed division of time sounded fairly straightforward. Once we wrote out the school week, problems became clear: the parents’ working hours, school collections and travel between homes could have made the routine difficult for the child. We looked at where the child would sleep each night, who would manage the school run, how belongings would move between homes and what would happen if a parent was delayed. We considered weekends and school holidays separately because a term-time routine will not necessarily work during a longer break. That exercise changed the discussion. Instead of dividing time mathematically, the parent could ask whether the plan would give the child a predictable, manageable week. I helped identify the practical questions; I referred the legal questions about the parent’s position and any formal arrangement to a family-law professional. What Should a Parenting Plan Cover? I would start with the child’s age, existing routine and individual needs. Then I would work through school nights, weekends, handovers, transport, homework, activities and how the parents will communicate about changes. Holidays, Christmas and birthdays deserve their own discussion rather than an assumption that they will somehow work themselves out. I would also test the plan against ordinary disruptions. Who looks after the child if they are ill? What happens when work runs late or transport breaks down? How will parents share information about a medical appointment or an important school event? A plan can look fair during the first week but become exhausting after several months of long journeys or difficult handovers. My advice is to imagine living with it week after week. The arrangement needs to be realistic for the adults so that it can remain stable for the child. Also working through divorce finances? Read How Is Money Divided in a Divorce in England and Wales? for a practical look at the family home, pensions, debts and future financial needs. What If Parents Cannot Agree? Putting the specific points of disagreement in writing can help. “We disagree about contact” is a difficult conversation to resolve. “Who collects our child from school on Wednesday, and where will the handover happen?” gives parents a practical question to address. Mediation may help where it is suitable and both parents can participate safely. If parents apply to court, they will usually need to consider a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting first, although exemptions can apply. If agreement remains impossible, a parent can seek legal advice about applying for an appropriate court order. I would not urge someone to keep negotiating directly where there are concerns about domestic abuse, threats, coercive control, substance misuse or a risk of harm to the child. Those concerns need to be explained clearly to an appropriate specialist. The priority is the child’s safety and wellbeing, not reaching a compromise for its own sake. Concerned about legal costs? Read Can I Afford a Family Lawyer on a Limited Budget? to explore ways of discussing fees and finding the level of assistance suitable for your circumstances. What Should You Ask Before Agreeing? Before agreeing to a child arrangements plan, I would ask: Can the child manage this routine during a normal school week? Are the journeys and handovers sustainable? Have we addressed holidays and unexpected changes? Do we understand how important decisions will be handled? Are there any safety concerns that need specialist advice? My strongest advice is not to accept a plan simply because it appears equal or fair on paper. A useful arrangement is one that supports the child’s everyday life and can be carried out consistently. If you are unsure about your legal position, feel pressured to agree or have concerns

What If My Ex Takes Our Child Abroad Without Permission? Discovering that your former partner may take your child abroad without your permission can be frightening. The situation becomes even more distressing when travel plans are unclear, communication has broken down or you believe your child may not be returned to the UK as agreed. From my experience working with Legate Family Law, parents in this position often do not know what they are legally entitled to do. They ask whether the other parent needs their consent, whether an existing court order makes a difference and what can be done if the child has already left the country. International parental child abduction cases can be urgent and legally complex. The steps available may depend on who has parental responsibility, where the child normally lives, whether court orders already exist, where the child has been taken and whether the destination country participates in an international return arrangement. The most important practical message is not to wait until the child has already left the UK if there is a genuine risk. Early legal advice can help a parent understand the position and consider whether preventative action is necessary. Does My Ex Need Permission to Take Our Child Abroad? A person must normally obtain permission from everyone with parental responsibility for a child before taking the child abroad. If the necessary consent is not given, they may need to obtain permission from the court. Taking a child abroad without the required consent or court permission can amount to child abduction. There is an important exception where a Child Arrangements Order states that the child lives with a particular person. That person can generally take the child abroad for up to 28 days without obtaining further permission, unless another court order says that they cannot. This exception should not be applied casually. The terms of every relevant order must be checked, and it may not resolve a dispute involving a proposed relocation, a longer trip or concerns that the child will not be returned. The Government’s current guidance on permission to take a child abroad explains the general consent requirements. What Is Parental Responsibility? Parental responsibility refers to the legal rights, duties, powers and responsibilities a person has in relation to a child and the child’s property. A child’s birth mother automatically has parental responsibility. A father or second parent may have parental responsibility depending on factors including marriage or civil partnership, registration on the birth certificate, a parental responsibility agreement or a court order. Guardians and other people may also acquire parental responsibility in certain circumstances. The fact that one parent has less day-to-day contact with the child does not necessarily mean their parental responsibility has ended. Similarly, separation or divorce does not automatically remove parental responsibility. Before international travel is arranged, it is important to identify everyone whose permission may be required. Is a Holiday Disagreement the Same as Child Abduction? Not every disagreement about a holiday amounts to international parental child abduction. Parents may disagree about travel dates, accommodation, missed contact or whether a particular destination is suitable. These disputes may still require legal advice, particularly if consent is being withheld, but they are not automatically the same as deliberately removing or retaining a child without the necessary authority. The situation may become much more serious when one parent takes a child out of the country without the required consent or keeps the child abroad beyond the agreed return date. A parent may originally agree to a holiday but not agree to the child being kept abroad indefinitely. The fact that the child left the UK with permission does not necessarily mean that the other parent can lawfully retain the child overseas after the agreed period. What Warning Signs Should I Take Seriously? In my opinion, parents should take genuine concerns seriously when there is a noticeable change in the other parent’s behaviour or plans. Warning signs may include unexpected discussions about moving abroad, secretive travel arrangements, an unexplained passport application, plans to remove the child from school or statements suggesting that the child would have a better life in another country. Concern may also arise if the other parent refuses to provide flight details, accommodation information or a clear return date. Plans for the child to remain abroad longer than previously agreed, strong family connections overseas and previous difficulties returning the child on time may also be relevant. No individual sign proves that an abduction will happen. The circumstances must be considered together. However, a parent does not need to wait until they are certain before asking a family lawyer to assess the risk. An Example of Why Early Action Matters One situation involved a parent who became concerned that the other parent might take their child abroad and fail to return the child as agreed. There had been discussions about overseas travel, but the arrangements were uncertain. The parent did not have clear information about when the child would return and became concerned that waiting until departure could turn the matter into an urgent international case. The practical lesson was that concerns about international travel should be addressed before the child leaves whenever possible. It is usually better to understand the legal position and available preventative options early than to wait until the child is already in another country. This does not mean every uncertain travel plan requires emergency court proceedings. It means that genuine concerns should be assessed promptly so that any necessary action can be taken in time. What Can I Do If I Think My Child May Be Taken Abroad? The first step is usually to obtain urgent advice from a suitably qualified family lawyer. A lawyer can assess parental responsibility, existing court orders, the proposed journey and the reasons for believing the child may not return. Depending on the facts, an application may be made to the Family Court. The appropriate application will depend on the circumstances and should be discussed with a lawyer.

Can I Get an Injunction to Protect Myself or My Children? If you are worried about your own safety or the safety of your children because of the behaviour of a partner, former partner or family member, you may be wondering whether you can obtain an injunction. In my professional experience, people often assume that injunctions are only available where there has already been serious physical violence. That is not necessarily the case. Threats, harassment, intimidation, stalking, coercive or controlling behaviour, repeated unwanted contact and an escalating pattern of conduct can all be highly relevant. The important question is not simply whether someone has physically assaulted you. It is what has been happening, whether there is an ongoing risk to you or your children, and what legal protection may reasonably be required. In family-law cases in England and Wales, two important protective remedies are non-molestation orders and occupation orders. Although people often refer to both simply as “injunctions”, they perform different functions. When Might Someone Need an Injunction? From my professional experience, requests for injunctions frequently arise when ordinary communication or informal arrangements are no longer sufficient to make someone feel safe. Sometimes there has been physical violence. In other cases, the concern develops through threats, harassment, intimidation, coercive or controlling behaviour, stalking or persistent unwanted contact. Children can also become caught in the situation. There may be concerns about behaviour directed towards them, attempts to remove or retain them, or a parent using contact arrangements and child handovers as a means of continuing to exert control over the other parent. Another situation I encounter is where someone refuses to leave the family home or continues attending the property after being asked not to. In those circumstances, the problem may no longer simply be a disagreement between former partners. Clear and legally enforceable boundaries may be required. At the same time, an injunction should not be viewed simply as something to apply for because a relationship has ended badly. These are serious protective remedies. There needs to be a proper legal basis for an application, and the appropriate type of order needs to be considered carefully. Physical Violence Is Not Always the Starting Point One anonymised case that particularly stands out involved a relationship where the behaviour initially appeared relatively low-level and controlling. After separation, however, it began to escalate. There were repeated unwanted messages, intimidating visits to the former family home and threats that caused the other party to become increasingly concerned about their own safety and the wellbeing of the children. There was not necessarily one dramatic incident of serious physical violence that defined the case. What mattered was the pattern and escalation of the behaviour. This is something I believe people need to understand. Looking at individual incidents in isolation can sometimes disguise what is actually happening. Several incidents that might each appear relatively minor can look very different when considered together as part of an escalating pattern of intimidation, harassment or control. In that case, the person affected needed more than reassurance that the other party should stop. They needed clear, enforceable boundaries concerning behaviour, contact and the family home. It also demonstrated why I believe people should seek legal advice early when behaviour is escalating. Waiting until circumstances become an emergency can make an already difficult situation considerably harder. What Is a Non-Molestation Order? A non-molestation order is primarily intended to provide protection from abuse, harassment and other harmful behaviour. Depending on the circumstances and the precise wording of the order, it can prohibit someone from using or threatening violence, intimidating or harassing the applicant, contacting them in particular ways, or attending their home or other specified places. One of the most important points I explain to clients is that physical violence is not necessarily required before a non-molestation order can be considered. Threats, harassment, intimidation and coercive or controlling behaviour may all be relevant. The court will consider the particular circumstances and evidence when deciding whether an order should be made. What Is an Occupation Order? An occupation order deals principally with the occupation of a property. It can regulate who is entitled to live in or enter the family home and, depending on the circumstances, may require someone to leave, prevent them from returning or establish which parts of a property particular people are permitted to use. An occupation order can have a substantial effect on someone’s housing arrangements. For that reason, the court considers the circumstances carefully, including the housing needs and safety of the adults involved and the position of any children. A non-molestation order and an occupation order should therefore not be confused. A simple way of understanding the distinction is that a non-molestation order generally addresses behaviour and protection, whereas an occupation order addresses the occupation and use of the home. Can I Apply for Both Orders? There are circumstances where both orders may be appropriate. Imagine a separated couple who are still living in the same property. One person is behaving in a threatening or intimidating way, repeatedly contacting the other and creating concerns about the safety of both the applicant and the children. A non-molestation order could potentially address the behaviour and contact, while an occupation order could address who is entitled to remain in or enter the property. The two orders can therefore address different aspects of the same underlying problem. Who Can Apply for an Injunction? These orders are not available for someone to obtain against absolutely anyone. Eligibility depends upon the relationship between the applicant and respondent and the relevant legal requirements. I would therefore establish the nature of the relationship between the parties before advising someone that a particular application is available. This is one reason why an early discussion with a family-law professional can be valuable. Asking for advice does not mean that you have committed yourself to court proceedings. It allows your circumstances to be assessed and the available options to be explained. Can an Injunction Protect My Children? Related

Can I Change My Child Arrangements After a Court Order? Yes, a child arrangements order can be changed after it has been made. However, the correct way to change it will depend on whether both parents agree, how substantial the proposed change is and whether there are any urgent safeguarding concerns. This article applies to child arrangements cases in England and Wales. In my professional experience, parents usually consider changing an order because family circumstances have moved on. An arrangement may have been entirely appropriate when the court approved it, but children grow, parents’ circumstances change and a schedule that once worked may no longer meet the child’s practical or emotional needs. The important question is not simply whether one parent would now prefer a different arrangement. The central question is whether the existing order continues to promote the child’s welfare and whether the proposed change would offer greater safety, stability and consistency. Why Might a Child Arrangements Order Need to Change? A child arrangements order is based on the family’s circumstances at a particular point in time. It cannot always anticipate what the child’s life will look like several years later. Arrangements that worked when a child was at primary school may become difficult once the child starts secondary school, has more homework, develops extracurricular interests or wants greater independence. The child may also have new educational, medical or emotional needs that were not present when the original order was made. Changes in a parent’s employment, shift patterns, housing or availability can also make the existing schedule unworkable. If the parents move farther apart, school-night contact and early-morning travel may become exhausting for the child. Disputes frequently arise over school holidays, birthdays, religious occasions and international travel, particularly where the original order did not address these issues clearly. Other applications involve more substantial changes. One parent may want the child to live with them, attend a different school or relocate to another part of the United Kingdom or abroad. Relocation cases can be especially difficult because a move that provides one parent with better employment, housing or family support may significantly affect the child’s relationship with the other parent. A variation may also be requested following repeated failures to comply with the order. This can include regularly cancelling contact, returning the child late, changing arrangements without agreement, preventing communication or imposing conditions that do not appear in the order. Sometimes the difficulty is not the overall arrangement but the wording. If the order is too vague, the family may need a clearer and more structured schedule to reduce repeated disagreements. Can an Order Be Changed Because of Safeguarding Concerns? Safeguarding concerns may justify an application to restrict, supervise or temporarily suspend contact. These concerns might involve domestic abuse, substance misuse, neglect, unsafe supervision, inappropriate adults, serious mental or physical health difficulties or a risk of abduction. A genuine concern must be taken seriously. At the same time, allegations should never be exaggerated or used simply to gain an advantage in a parental dispute. A parent raising safeguarding concerns should explain the specific incidents, when they occurred, how they affected the child and what evidence is available. Depending on the circumstances, relevant evidence may include police incident numbers, social-services involvement, medical records, photographs, messages, criminal-court orders or domestic-abuse injunctions. The parent should distinguish clearly between something they witnessed personally, something the child disclosed and information received from another person. Broad claims that the other parent is “dangerous” or “unfit” are far less helpful than a clear account supported by dates, facts and relevant independent evidence. Do a Child’s Wishes Matter? A child’s wishes and feelings may become increasingly important as they grow older and develop sufficient understanding. A teenager may resist a rigid schedule created years earlier because it interferes with schoolwork, friendships, activities or their sense of stability. The child’s views do not automatically determine the outcome, but the court is likely to give them greater weight depending on their age and maturity. The way those views are obtained is extremely important. Parents should not repeatedly question a child, ask them to choose between homes, rehearse what they should say or persuade them to write a letter for the court. Doing so can place the child under enormous emotional pressure and may create concerns about influence. Where appropriate, Cafcass or another appointed professional may speak to the child and report their wishes and feelings to the court. A parent can record a spontaneous comment, but should use the child’s words accurately, explain the circumstances and avoid presenting their own interpretation as the child’s settled position. A child should never be made responsible for negotiating the arrangements or delivering difficult messages between their parents. Can Parents Change the Arrangements Informally? Parents can usually agree sensible temporary adjustments themselves. For example, they may swap weekends, change a collection time or accommodate a family event. It is sensible to record these temporary changes clearly in writing, including how long the revised arrangement will apply. This helps prevent later misunderstandings. However, an informal agreement does not ordinarily rewrite the existing court order. If the informal arrangement breaks down, the original order remains the legally recognised arrangement. One mistake I frequently see is a parent relying on months of WhatsApp messages and assuming that the new routine has replaced the order. When the other parent withdraws their agreement, both parents may suddenly take different positions about what must happen. Informal flexibility can be useful, but it becomes risky when the change is significant or intended to be permanent. This is particularly true where the proposed arrangement changes where the child lives, removes overnight contact, changes schools or permits relocation. What If Both Parents Agree to a Permanent Change? Where both parents agree to a substantial or lasting change, they should consider asking the court to approve a consent order. This provides clarity and allows the legal order to reflect the arrangement the family is actually following. The court will still consider whether the